Top 15 Most Extreme Acts of Revenge Ever
15) Lorena Bobbitt & the Revenge on John’s Johnson
As the women of Chicago’s Cell Block Tango might say: “He had it comin’, he had it comin’, he only had himself to blame.” John Wayne Bobbitt had it comin’. The former husband of Lorena Bobbit allegedly raped his wife the night of June 23, 1993, after several years of marital rape and physical and emotional battery. And Lorena Bobbitt had had enough. She took it out on his Johnson, slicing the entire thing off at the base while he slept. Lorena fled the scene, throwing John’s Johnson out of her car window. She then called the police, when she’d realized what she’d done. The Johnson was found and later reattached to its owner in a nine-and-a-half-hour-long operation. The trial exposed John Bobbit’s alleged physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, as well as his frequent infidelity and theft of Lorena’s wages.
Lorena’s defense lawyer, Blair D. Howard, alleged that this abuse had made her clinically depressed, which had caused her to “snap” and go temporarily insane. Witnesses for both sides testified that John had battered her, and the abuse had escalated until “she lived in constant fear of him.” To jurors, it seems Lorena’s revenge matched the crime: both parties were let off the hook. John was acquitted of rape, and Lorena found not guilty, due to temporary insanity. She underwent a 45-day evaluation period at Central State Hospital, while the great John Bobbit went on to star in some adult films, including Wayne Bobbitt: Uncut and Frankenpenis. It also seems he never learned his lesson, because he went on to be convicted of battery in 1994 against a former exotic dancer in Vegas and even more battery in 2003 against his then-wife, Joanna Ferrell. Lorena, on the other hand, founded Lorena’s Red Wagon organization, which “helps prevent domestic violence through family-oriented activities.”
14) His Pants, His Pants, His Pants are on Fire
In other penis-related revenge news, this dude’s underpants were literally set aflame in response to his infidelity. His (I assume ex-)girlfriend discovered he had been cheating with her co-worker, and she decided to take revenge on his manhood. Not only that – she filmed the Molotov cocktail for all the world to see! The footage of the underpants-lighting lasts 30 seconds. In it, the unsuspecting victim sleeps in only his socks and underwear, while his partner creeps up beside him and pulls his blanket away. She then pours a bottle of nail polish remover – which is highly flammable – onto the man’s underwear in the area of his delicates. With a lighter, she strikes her revenge! Feeling the fire in his loins, the man wakes up with a yelp and attempts to put it out, while she calls him on his shit: “You cheating on me with my co-worker!” she screams, as he rolls around on the bed in pain, gripping his smoldering boxer-briefs. “You didn’t think I was gonna find out?” It’s unknown what happened to this man but he likely got some second and third degree burns.
13) Pierre Picaud & the Long-Awaited Revenge
Serving as inspiration for The Count of Monte Cristo’s character, Edmond Dantes, Pierre Picaud is the living example of what sweet, sweet revenge should look like. The 19th century shoemaker from Nîmes was engaged to be married to a wealthy lady, but three of Picaud’s friends were jealous. Chaubart, Solari, and Loupain conspired against him, alleging that he was an English spy. Allut, another of his friends, knew of the conspiracy but kept quiet. For seven years, he was imprisoned in the Fenestrelle fortress, where he made a friend in a wealthy Italian priest. Father Torri died not long after, leaving a hidden treasure in Milan to Picaud.
In 1814, the Imperial government fell, and Picaud was released, searched out the treasure, and then returned to Paris under a false name, where he spent a decade plotting his revenge against the so-called “friends” who had betrayed him. First, he killed Chaubart. Loupian, who married his former fiancé, was next. But Picaud wanted him to suffer. He somehow convinced Loupian’s daughter to marry a criminal who he then had arrested, the shock of which killed Loupian’s daughter. Next, he went after Loupian’s livelihood, burning down his restaurant. He then poisoned his ex-friend, Solari, and framed Loupian’s son for stealing gold jewelry. After Loupian saw his son imprisoned, Picaud then stabbed him to death. No revenge goes unpunished, however. Allut – the single remaining friend, who’d known about the conspiracy to imprison Picaud – abducted and killed the vengeful man. But not before Picaud had satisfied his nature.
12) Lord Byron Bears
His Soul Lord Byron is famous for many things: his poetry, obviously, his eccentricity, his bravery, flamboyancy, and extravagance. Basically, he’s famous for being a one-of-a-kind badass, and his revenge against Cambridge only reaffirms this reputation. The badboy poet attended Cambridge Trinity College, where he was told his pet dog was not welcome. “School policy,” officials pointed out. Even though he’d yet to acquire all the fame and rep that is now a thing of legend, he already had the swagger to give the school the great big middle finger in the form of a pet bear.
When he was confronted about his Winnie-the-Pooh friend, he demanded that the officials point out the school rule that prohibited bears. Surprisingly, Cambridge’s fine print had no specification about bears. And even more surprisingly, they let Byron get away with it. Byron continued to take the piss out of Cambridge by penning a letter to officials, recommending that the bear apply for a fellowship. Contrary to his poem “Epitaph to a Dog,” it seems the famed poet’s spirit animal is a bear.
11) “My Wife’s a Terrorist”
Want to move on from your wife or husband and shack up with someone new? Exact revenge on marriage by calling immigration and claiming they’re a terrorist. Or, better yet, be an immigration officer and put them on the registry, yourself. That’s what a UK immigration officer did when his Pakistani wife made a trip back home to visit family. The officer entered her name on the UK’s Terror Watch List immigration database then he sat and waited, presumably tapping his fingers together evilly, biding his time until his wife tried to fly home with her valid, but now terror-flagged, passport.
When she was denied entry and sent back to Pakistan, she called her immigration officer husband to look into the issue. He said he’d do just that, but then sort of, kind of didn’t do it. We’re unsure of how he convinced his wife that the issue was taking so long to work out, but fast forward three years later, and she was still in Pakistan, while he was suddenly up for promotion. Did he get the job? Well – funny thing: when your higher ups at the Immigration Department are vetting you for promotion, they may take a look at your work and your family. That being the case, they found that this man’s wife was on the terrorist watch list. Imagine the vengeful stooge’s face when his superiors brought the issue up with him at his interview. Was he so smug when they gave him the boot?
10) Princess Olga, the Saint of Revenge
It was Kiev. It was the 10th century. The scene was set. Sweet Princess Olga married Prince Igor and, apparently, they were deeply in love. It’s safe to assume so, because when Igor was killed by the Drevlians in 945, Olga sought her revenge on each and every Drevlian that walked this earth. Now ruler of the kingdom of the Kievan Rus, Olga received suitors from none other than the Drevlians, themselves. After all, she was a woman without a man, so her kingdom must be powerless without a golden scepter on the throne. But they should never have underestimated the wrath of a Russian widow.
When the suitors came, she had her minions bring them by boat to her castle. Once they arrived, the unsuspecting suitors were all thrown into a big trench in the courtyard, where they were buried alive. Olga then sent a message to the Drevlians back home, claiming she’d accepted the suitor’s proposal, and a wedding would commence soon. Many Drevlians showed up for the wedding. When they arrived, they were brought to a bathhouse, in which they were promptly trapped and burned alive, a la Game of Thrones style.
Oddly enough, 5,000 more Drevlian dignitaries showed up for the funeral, where they drank to the point of inebriation. Dead drunk, they were soon just dead, as Olga had her people kill EVERY. LAST. ONE. Her heart still broken, this revenge wasn’t enough, so she attacked the Drevlian capital. When the attack didn’t go according to plan, she suggested a sign of peace should be offered up to her before she would leave – a few doves from each house in the capital. The doves were given, but Olga did not have peace in mind.
In the dead of night, she attached red hot coals to the doves’ feet and then released them. Each flew home, where they lit all the houses in the capital on fire. She literally watched the city burn, after which she killed and enslaved everyone who remained. Olga reigned until her death and, lo and behold, spread Russian Orthodoxy across both kingdoms. Apparently, this was enough to make her a saint in the eyes of the Orthodox church. An exceedingly violent saint, but a saint, nonetheless.
9) Arlington Cemetery The Famed Civil War Clapback
Most people who visit Arlington Cemetery are struck by the enormous sacrifice soldiers have made for their country and what it stands for; but they likely don’t know that the soil these brave men and women were buried in belonged to a man who was on the receiving end of one of America’s greatest clapbacks: Colonel Robert E. Lee. During the Civil War, Montgomery Cunningham Meigs was the Quartermaster General for the Continental Army. Meigs was a Unionist who detested defectors.
Colonol Robert E. Lee was one of those defectors, and he eventually became the highest ranked officer for the South, serving as the Confederate Army’s Commanding General. Back in Virginia, Lee owned a mansion on an 1,100-acre estate, known as Arlington House. Union forces overtook the property, citing Lee’s tax evasion in order to seize the estate. As time ticked on and the battle grew bloodier, cemeteries were being overrun with hundreds of thousands of bodies.
This is why, in 1864, Quartermaster General Meigs decided to take his revenge on Lee’s Arlington property by turning it into a cemetery. He dug up Lee’s beautiful rose garden and laid 26 Union soldiers to rest there. By the time the war was over, Lee was sure not to return to Arlington, with over 5,000 soldiers of the opposition sleeping soundly in their eternal beds. Arlington National Cemetery is now home to over 300,000 fallen soldiers and serves as a reminder that you don’t mess with the Union. If you do, they’ll take your land and make it into a memorial for everything you stood against.
8) London Bridge is Falling Down Badass bodacious Boudica was the 1st Century
Queen of the British Iceni Celtic tribe in Wales. When her husband, King Prasutagus, passed away, his will left the kingdom to his daughters and the Roman emperor. However, Rome ignored his wishes and annexed the territories in question. Taking the undercut even further, they tortured, flogged, and raped Boudicia and her daughters. But Boudicia wasn’t going to take this affront lying down; she sought revenge. In 60 AD, she led the Trinovantes, the Iceni, and others in a revolt against the campaigning Roman governor, Gaius Suetonius Paulinus. Under her command, the rebels ransacked multiple towns across Britain. Camulodunum was first. The town held discharged Roman soldiers, along with a temple dedicated to former Emperor Claudius. All was destroyed by Boudicia. And her revenge didn’t end there. The cities of Londinium (modern-day London) and Verulamium were torched by Boudica’s 100,000-strong army, and the lives of around 80,000 Romans and Britains were taken. After that, Boudica’s sweet revenge had run its course, it seems, because Paulinus finally put an end to the warrior’s rampage in the Battle of Watling Street. The Celtic Queen died, either from suicide or sickness, before capture. But it’s safe to say that she died completely and utterly satisfied.
7) A Massacre of Vengeance
The targeted assassinations of the 1572 St. Bartholomew’s Day massacre were an act of revenge by Catholics against the Huguenots, who were French Calvinist Protestants. Catherine de’ Medici is believed to have instigated the massacre, which followed the wedding of the Protestant Henry III to the king’s sister, Margaret. Paris was mostly Catholic, and when the Huguenots arrived, the king commanded the leaders be killed…and it didn’t end there. The massacre spread from the city to all corners of France, taking the lives of anywhere from 5,000-30,000 people. That’s some bloody religion revenge for you.
6) The Savior Salomon,
Badass Dentist at Large Benjamin Salomon, the dentist, was drafted into the army in 1940 and was later transferred into the Army Dental Corps. You probably didn’t even know such a thing existed, but of course our soldiers must be told to floss. Salomon was then sent to serve as a regimental surgeon in Saipan. This is when things got ugly…or at least uglier than cavities and plaque. The field hospital tent in which Salomon was treating the wounded was infiltrated by Japanese soldiers.
Next to the tent, he spotted the enemy bayoneting a wounded soldier. He swiftly shot him dead. When he returned to the wounded, two more Japanese troops made their appearance. After killing these two, four more popped up. This is when Captain Salomon had had enough. He shot one, high kicked the knife out of another’s hand, bayoneted the third, and head-butted the fourth in the stomach. He then rushed the wounded out, providing cover fire with a machine gun.
As the enemies closed in, he continued to fight, allowing the injured in the tent to escape. And yet, though he was eventually overtaken, solitary Salomon managed to take down almost a hundred Japanese soldiers. That was his revenge for muddling in his dentistry. He, himself, had been shot over seventy times. Salomon received the posthumous Medal of Honor and an even greater rep as a badass dentist at large. Don’t mess with a dentist, because their vengeance is sweeter than your sweet tooth.
5) Inspiration for Django, Unchained
Thought Tarantino’s film, Django, Unchained, was pure fiction? Think, again. The bloody revenge of Django is actually based on Alec Turner, who was born a slave at Port Royal, Virginia’s Gouldin tobacco plantation. The owner’s granddaughter taught Alec how to read and write in secret and, when the girl’s mother found out, Alec was whipped for it. He was ill treated by his owners and his taskmaster all his life, so in 1861, when the Civil War unfolded, Alec escaped to join the Union Army.
Armed and dangerously vengeful, he led an attack on his former owners and the taskmaster – a fellow slave who was particularly cruel to his underlings and unflinchingly loyal to the plantation. Actual audio recordings exist, detailing the incident. According to these recordings, when Alec and his armed soldiers were approaching, his former overseer called out the window, “Who is it? Who’s there?” to which Alec responded, “This is me! This is Alec! I’m going to shoot you!” And Alec was a man of his word. After killing his former taskmaster, he purchased a 100-acre farm in Vermont that he named “Journey’s End.” He spent the rest of his life in peace. After all, the best revenge is living well…presumably after shooting dead your enemies.
4) Pirate Ransom Bait-&-Switch
Even Julius Caesar has to deal with condescension every now and then. When he was just 25 years old in 75 BCE, Caesar was kidnapped by Cilician pirates while sailing the Aegean. Not knowing who they’d just captured, the pirates demanded a mere 20 talents of silver in ransom for Caesar’s release. Sassy Caesar laughed in their faces and said they’d be better to demand 50, after which he sent some of his own associates to collect the silver. At that point, he was on his own with his kidnappers, but he didn’t let them get the upper hand. He treated them like subordinates, commanding silence whenever he was sleeping, playing games with them, and reciting his own speeches and poetry to them.
In commanding such an air of leadership, he was given a lot of freedom by the pirates. But, needless to say, they really didn’t know who they were dealing with, because in his mind, Caesar was planning his revenge. He would hunt them down and crucify them once his ransom was paid. In fact, he told them, directly, that he would. Sadly for the pirates, they didn’t take young Caesar seriously. After he was freed, he built a fleet and returned to the island, where he found the pirates still dicking around. He took them captive, stole back his 50 talents, and gathered his spoils. He had the pirates imprisoned and requested their execution. When Marcus Junius, the proconsul of Asia, denied it, preferring to sell the pirates into slavery, Caesar was having none of it. He returned to their prison and, instead of crucifying them, he slit their throats. Years later, he would be stabbed in the back by a conspiracy of his own Roman senators. But at least he satisfied his own sweet revenge in his lifetime.
3) Take Them Out with a Tank, Mariya
As a telephone operator, you might not think that Mariya Oktyabrskaya was war hero material, but the wife of a Soviet soldier who was killed during World War II plowed through Nazis to avenge her husband’s death. Mariya sold everything she owned for a T-34, an army tank, which she offered to the Soviet Union under one condition: that she could drive it. The Defense Committee were on board, seeing Mariya as a publicity stunt more than anything, but she soon showed the men that she was a lot more than a posterchild. In her first battle, she shot down artillery guns, machine gun nests, and plenty of Nazis, even popping out of the tank – which she called the “Fighting Girlfriend” – to repair it when it became immobilized. Revenge was fatal to the avenger several battles later, however, when Mariya was killed in 1944. She is now known as a “Hero of the Soviet Union.”
2) Revenge is a Dish
Best Served Poison Who wouldn’t want to avenge the millions of deaths perpetrated by the Nazis? The Jewish Nakam sure had a reason to do so when, during the Nuremberg Trials, justice was being served in the form of mere imprisonment. The Nakam, or “The Jewish Avengers,” were a group of survivors of the United Partisan Organization, a paramilitary liberation group of Zionists in Lithuania who served the Soviets. Their objective was to assassinate Nazi war criminals. And they did just that – sixty of their members traveled to Germany after World War II and set about their mass assassination by infiltrating the prison food and poisoning 3,000 loaves of bread.
This bread was then delivered to the American PoW camp, “Stalag XIII,” which was home to captured SS guards. 400 of the former Nazis died from arsenic poisoning, with around 1,900 becoming sick from it. The Nazis got off lightly, as the group’s original intent was to poison the entire water supplies of Nuremberg, Hamburg, Berlin, and Munich, in order to take the lives of as many German civilians as the Nazis had taken of the Jews during the Holocaust. Perhaps the Nakam thought it was better to take the high road.
1. The Revenge of the Forty-Seven Rōnin
The West aren’t the only ones who like a good tale of vengeance. In 18th century Japan, the rōnin – a group of samurai – avenged their master’s death. The national legend is seen as the greatest example of the “samurai code of honor.” The story goes a little something like this: after their leader, Asano Naganori, was forced to commit ritual suicide, because he’d assaulted Kira Yoshinaka, a court official, the samurai group planned for a year to avenge their master, swearing a secret oath to kill Kira.
In committing this murder, however, they, themselves, would be required to commit ritual suicide as a consequence. All forty-seven of them. That’s some sacrifice. Because Kira’s residence was heavily guarded and fortified, the rōnin had to coordinate a plan of attack. Kira suspected the rōnin would seek revenge, so he sent spies after each of the samurai. In order to make the authorities less suspicious, they became monks and tradesmen while they planned their attack. Ōishi, the leader of the forty-seven rōnin, acted particularly out of character – frequenting geisha houses and drinking regularly – but it was all a distraction to throw off Kira’s spies.
When Kira was finally convinced that he was safe from the samurais’ vengeance, he became careless. And that’s when the rōnin attacked, breaking into his mansion, bows and swords a-blazin’. After the house was alerted to the attack, Kira managed to hide himself. But a long search of the premises found him seeking refuge in a secret courtyard, hidden behind a large scroll. Ōishi told Kira the samurais had come to avenge their master, as true samurais would, and he offered up a dagger to Kira to give him a chance to kill himself, which was seen as more honorable. Kira couldn’t stomach it, however, and was instead beheaded. His head was placed on Asano’s grave, as an offering. The act of revenge and the mass suicide thereafter is an example to some of Japan’s national identity – an identity that highly values honor, loyalty, sacrifice, and persistence.
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